How He Loves – David Crowder Band

This is breaking my heart: “How He Loves” by David Crowder Band

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us oh,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about the way…

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

Quote of the day

Bertrand Russell once said,  ”To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.” As I grow older, I find the truth of that statement more and more obvious. But first, I believe, we need to know what our fear is. To some, just knowing what it is is already the first step to conquering it.

On a side note, and to continue this current moment of procrastination as I’m sitting at my desk having started to nut out an introduction I’m actually happy with: If you blog on WordPress, you know that there’s a bit to the side that lets you include tags to your blog posts. I have always used tags, although I don’t know why, but the size of the tag increases according to how many times it’s been mentioned on your blog.

I’m not liking the fact that “work” is the biggest one, and God is the second.

Current anger

I’m sitting at my desk working on my dissertation, and then it’s dinner. Afterwards, we’re all laughing to the show with the most _________ people performing their most _________ acts, and then she turns around and snaps at him.

Does she not understand that there are only so few is so little time left, that any moment we have together may be the last moment we recollect when the same things we laugh at, or talk about, or the experiences we share, are no longer? I had to leave the room; staying would have meant saying something that I would have regretted. It’s always something, and then there’s something else. Right now on my playlist the song that’s playing is “Love Is Not Enough” by Nine Inch Nails off With Teeth and I’m struck by the ___________. For someone so forgiven, I have an awful lot of rage in me.

Right now I’m waiting for my boss to email me back and tell me whether I can have those two days off to see that concert. It’s a fickle reason to miss work, sure, but why August 3^rd, anyway??

And another thing that’s really bothering me right now is how my brother and I seem to not be communicating without one or both of us losing our temper in some way. And I remember how we were in Phuket, and how everything seemed easier, and all the time I had been thinking about how if we were back home, it would not be “this easy” to converse, and be back the way we were.

And yet another thing that’s bothering me is how I have no inspiration for the dissertation: I have been stuck at 100 words for the past I-don’t-know-how-many days, because I read through what I’ve written, hate it, and wipe it all out. This summer writing period is not turning out to be as productive as I need it to be.

But I’ve kind of made a decision about something permanent, so if everything works out the way I hope for it to then I’ll be going ahead with it.

Phuket, Thailand blogging

Click here for the link to a blog I spent today working on for next year’s Advanced Composition students’ first assignment. When I really should have been writing my dissertation. I honestly do everything I can to avoid the compulsory. It’s pathetic! Maybe tomorrow will be more productive.

I always find inspiration in Nine Inch Nails’ “Hurt” though.

The most incredible thing I’ve seen

I saw this on Vimeo; I don’t need to explain it, I don’t think. Enjoy.

Galactic Center of Milky Way Rises over Texas Star Party

What I did just now

I came home with a cold, and promptly put on the 14^th disc of Friends. To which I fell asleep. I feel like a million dollars. NOT.

And to top it all off, I was supposed to go out tonight. I’m sad.

But I’ve just been thinking a lot about what I observed on the weekend. It hurt my heart to see such a change in the way the youth sitting beside me were treated. He actually snapped at them, after she did. I just couldn’t understand it… and then I realised that he really has changed a lot over this year. How did this even happen? It hurt me, and I want to see something change.

On the up side, the new committee I’m on, which met yesterday for what turned out to be a 3 hour meeting, is something that is exciting me. We’re going to try and bring back a bit of what made this a good, loving school again. And this is something that is really exciting me.

Bordering on a realisation

I’m finding myself increasingly reluctant to return to certain things when the end of the year arrives, and I can only think of one reason for this reluctance. And it’s a stupid reason.

On the up side, I bought tickets to see Nine Inch Nails in Manila in August, and I can’t say how excited I am for it. Part of the reason I’m still awake right now. I’ll be writing about them in my big book essay around them, so it’ll be a great opportunity. No kidding – I’m really excited.

Can’t believe it

Tomorrow is the Junior-Senior Banquet, and the finals are just around the corner, followed soon by everything else. Graduation will be on June 6. Unbelieveable how fast this semester has passed, and with it, the end of my first year of teaching at this school.

I had some students give presentations on the projects they took on to make a difference in the lives of those they live around this morning, and after I finished asking my questions, one of my students asked me about what I’ve learned this year. I’ve been thinking about his question ever since.

What have I learned in the past year?

I know what it means to be a youth leader; I’ve worked hard at it. I know what it means to be a teacher, and a friend, and this year I’ve finally learned that the two don’t have to be mutually-exclusive. Sometimes it’s hard to distinguish between the two, but the relationships built are worth the confusion.

Jesus was about relationships, and this is what I remind myself whenever there’s a moment I don’t feel like having students in my classroom during study halls or lunch times. Because time and interaction is much more important than bureaucracy.

A picture I love taken of me and a couple of students after their hard work on a fashion show for the school:

And a more recent picture of some girls hanging out in my classroom, teasing me about my poor lunchbox:

These are some reasons for why I love my job.

In honour of later today

I have to say I am the woman I am today because of my parents. My mother raised me to listen, and provide for others when they are in need, and my father taught me the value of respect, humour, and punctuality.

Together, they have taught me the meaning of family. I don’t mean the “nobody gets left behind” schmoosh; that’s just Disney. I mean the love/hate relationship that is overwhelmingly lovely, loveable and infuriating.

Sometimes I forget who I am because of everything else that happens in my every day, and the re-realisation of my identity helps me live through another day when it is hard.

Thank you. Really. Thank you.

With a desire to document

I think I’m going to try Project365 this year, making it a goal. Things just keep slipping away.

Catch the NIN reference?

Hard at work on the paper. Due at 5pm.