Besides…

3 01 2013

For the first time ever, I had to skip a Nine Inch Nails song tonight. First time EVER. What is going on?!

And another thing: I caught myself smiling at a small child today. Umm… okay.

I must be going soft.

The whole thing with R is giving me a headache, but there was the other M (1: 12.20), and J (1.1-2) respectively, so life is colourful at the moment, to say the least. 1.16 will be quite a day, as it will be after 1.15, which is the PT. Maybe R will join me in Bangkok, maybe not. We will see.

Must not forget.

The move home wasn’t as tragic as I thought it would be – having all chores done by the helper, all meals cooked by M, and company has all made this easier, although the sight of the poor house quiet and empty was quite painful to me. Never mind. Things will be easier next time.

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Unloading part 2

21 09 2012

The news, when it came, was a shock, although the worst case scenario was always a possibility. But who is to say what that even means? Perhaps this is for the best; it’s just difficult to see it as such because the wound is so fresh, and so painful. Giddy anticipation, too-brief reality, and the impending goodbye, are difficult to face when there’s been little sleep and still less distance to reevaluate and consider. This could be the end of that chapter, but the start of something else. The problem is just that with everything else that has been happening recently, it’s hard to cope all at once.

I need perspective, and distance. And time to process all of it.





Unloading: a rough poem

15 09 2012

Time stolen. Intensity. Breathlessness.
Glances. Unbidden tears. Wide smiles.
A too-small space, with closeness forced.
Closed eyes, open ears, full but wondering mind.

The difficulty was always holding back,
Staying in the present,
Not letting things get ahead of themselves.
But the frustration is constant, often.

Coincidences
Sharing
Doubts
Uncertainty
Lies?

Knowing so much and yet so little
It’s dragging me down
Squeezing me shut
Wringing me out

A decision will need to be made —
The passion too soon to fade.





The anticipation on so many levels…

12 08 2012

Although I have long considered myself an adult, my self-imposed bed time (of sorts) has gone completely AWOL in the past 3 months. Given the heady days of chaos leading up to summer, the summer holidays with minimal to no agenda whatsoever, and the current developments in my life, the sleep quality and quantity in my life at the moment is unreliable. R is the most recent cause for my lack of good quality sleep, and the inconsistency, as well as the uncertainty, is very trying.

Tomorrow, school starts again for another year. I’m frantically trying to feel mentally prepared, even though I know that I am ready.

Will I ever feel like a “legit” teacher?!

Maybe not. It is, after all, my 8th year of teaching. If it hasn’t happened yet, and I haven’t begun to feel, more consistently, that I am a decent educator, it’s not likely to happen, as they say. But there is hope, because I know that what I’m doing has value, and a purpose. I am here not of my own choice, but because of something greater. That is what I need to cling to. The improvements that I have observed over the years is legitimate proof of my growth as a teacher, so there is that.

Going back to my parents’ place and seeing this sweet face is always encouraging though, even if he is naughty.





Recently developing developments

11 08 2012

The countdown until R arrives is 4 weeks to the day. There is a great deal of excitement, some trepidation, and fluttering in the stomach. The turmoil is rife though, and the heart beats with a heady mix of patience and impatience.





Memories of summer 2012

4 08 2012

And here it is, the list of things I’ve read, accomplished, cooked, seen, experienced, and done this summer:

Books

  • The Tenth Circle by Jodi Picoult
  • Kiss by Jill Mansell
  • Short story- Extricating Young Gussie by P. G. Wodehouse
  • Shakespeare Undead by Lori Handeland
  • Before I Go to Sleep by S. J. Watson
  • The Book of Tomorrow by Cecilia Ahern
  • Today I’m Alice by Alice Jamieson
  • The Help by Katherine Stockett
  • Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand
  • The Fifty Shades of Grey series by E. L. James
  • The Stolen Children: their stories edited by Carmel Bird
  • The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein
  • Heartsick for Country by Sally Morgan, Tjalaminu Mia, and Blaze Kwaymullina
  • Assumptions That Affect Our Lives by Christian Overman

Movies

  • The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011)
  • Bridesmaids (2011)
  • Your Highness (2011)
  • The Other Guys (2010)
  • The Dark Knight Rises (2012)
  • Total Recall (2012)
  • Wanderlust (2012)
  • X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)
  • Mirror Mirror (2012)
  • Take This Waltz (2011)

TV

  • Fringe
  • Breaking Bad
  • Law and Order: SVU
  • Law and Order: Criminal Intent

Cooking etc.

  • Applesauce muffins
  • Applesauce and apricot bread
  • Apricot and cranberry cake

Travelling

  • Sydney
  • Adelaide
  • The Ghan
  • Alice Springs
  • Katherine
  • Darwin
  • Cairns
  • Great Barrier Reef
  • Shenzhen, China

Done/achieved

  • Bought an original painting – “Elemental Stone” by Ben Rivett
  • Hung out with James, Donna, met new people, tried barramundi, Skyrail, Kuranda Scenic Railway
  • Met Greg
  • Had an intentional date with God

Purchases

  • Rack for bed to add to bedside table
  • Bought new CDs by John Mayer, Carla Bruni, James Morrison, David Crowder Band, Jason Mraz
  • 2 dresses and a tank top
  • Gerber Vise multi-tool
  • Tarp-poncho made by Kovea
  • Inova X1 torch
  • Kindle Touch
  • Multiple books!

This picture tells the story of my whole summer:

Happiness: in the middle of a rainforest, just in front of a beautiful, secluded beach, with my new hat, a summer dress, and a leather bag on the picnic table behind me





A photo call parade

3 08 2012

Whatever a photo call parade is, a picture showed up on my Facebook newsfeed this afternoon:

The caption was “Abercrombie & Fitch the Hottest guys photo call parade” 當一眾火辣男模現身時,過百市民尖叫聲震遍整個中環!

The promotional activity just struck me as being very superficial, and very typical of Hong Kong, where appearance is everything, with the city’s deep-seated mentality of how anything that originates from a huge conglomerate that may or may not be the socially-conscious, societally-responsible corporation it makes itself out to be, must be good, because it’s foreign, and different.

Being more socially- and environmentally aware has meant some lifestyle changes for me, and knowing that it would defeat the purpose of change, I have elected not to throw clothes away that I purchased from a corporation before knowing about their practices. Reading blogs about green lifestyles and other topics about conservation has been a productive and very engaging use of my summer. I feel motivated and more educated about how I can leave the world a better place by doing the work of one person.