Am I ready yet?

8 02 2008

I have a confession.

I don’t know how to write this, and I don’t know exactly what I want to say. It’s just that I can’t understand why we’re so eager to judge people based on their looks, their friends, their wealth… I can’t understand why we categorise people as “cool” or “uncool” based on the ‘looks,’ ‘friends,’ and ‘wealth’ categories. It’s the most absurd thing.

I was the worst at this when I was in high school. It’s ridiculous when I think about it, and something I read this morning really got me thinking about it. There’s too much hate in my past, and too much jealousy. I can’t write it all out right now because high school is something that will never leave me and I probably have lots of time to write about it yet.

Unless I die tomorrow, of course.

And if I die tomorrow, am I ready to see what hope I will see? Am I ready to meet with the Creator God? I don’t know the answer to the question, “What have you done with the Gospel?”

I’d like to think that I’ve tried to bring glory to God through my actions and words, but the truth is that I’ve been weak too. I am very much just a human. I can’t believe that God would love me for who He has created me to be.

But at the same time, I’m so, so relieved that He loves me for who He’s created me to be, because that means that I have yet to become the person He made me to be. I love that. I’ve been becoming who He’s created me to be ever since I was born, and it’s going to keep happening to me – things that shape me into the woman He needs me to be.

Sometimes it drives me crazy that I can say that. It’s nuts!

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