An admission

31 05 2008

I am exhausted and on such a night as this it’s hard to find my joy.

It’s different tonight. It was different today. I don’t know why. Maybe there is no reason.


Excitement but…

30 05 2008

Work today was hard, because the lesson that was supposed to be observed didn’t happen until quite a bit later than I had thought, and the students were trying to be good for me, and stayed silent. Totally silent. Even though we’ve been working on speaking out in class, participating in discussions, and brainstorming out loud for a whole year. They reverted to the “silence = obedience” philosophy. And I was sad, because it took some coaxing to get a reaction out of them. I saw their eyes dance with laughter, but they kept it all in because they wanted to show the best of their teacher, see how obedient we are

My heart ached because I have to farewell them soon. I was talking with a colleague about leaving, because she’s leaving at the end of next week, having found an administrative job, and we shared about how we feel on the threshold of this new stage in life. It’s an amazing, but terrifying thing.

Tomorrow morning I go to the new place to check out one of the courses I’ll be teaching next year. I am at once excited and frantic about it. There’s a lot to do this weekend, but I’ll feel much more relaxed on Sunday.

And why not? It’s God’s day. I’m grinning broadly in case you didn’t figure it out.

Moses the Bichon Frise

29 05 2008

We’re dogsitting the dog I love again. The dog must be the happiest dog to ever have been born, spinning around and chasing our Pekingese all through the living room, under the coffee table and beneath my legs, endlessly until one or the other tires, and they roll over each other, wrestling instead. How could God have planned that we’d find such comfort in our pets? Because there’s no way He didn’t, because when I’m sad, it’s the dog that tilts its head in sympathy and care. And it’s another way I know Him.


28 05 2008

This morning, I was talking with a student about the earthquake in Sichuan province in China, which is so close to us. There was a news story recently about a teacher who, upon feeling the first tremors of the earthquake, ran out of the school and was the first person to appear on the playground of the school. When her students exited the school, they asked her, “Why didn’t you come back for us?”

Since the story came to light, she has written an explanation on the Internet, saying that she is human too, and why are people judging her on the basis of her vocation. I would be devastated if my students had cause to ask the same question of me.

But I wonder what I would do in that situation. I would like to think that I would unquestioningly sacrifice my life for these students under my care, but the truth is that when the moment actually arrives, I don’t know what I would do. Instinct kicks in, one would think.

What would my instinct be?

And I was reading on a blog this afternoon that we are, at one time or another, someone’s ‘doorknob.’ It really made me think. I wonder whose doorknob I am, and whether I will know enough to open the door.

Questions, questions. Mercy is when God does not give us the things we fully deserve. Grace…

Something by Christopher Idle:

“His justice is full and complete, his mercy to us has no end; the clouds are a path for his feet, he comes on the wings of the wind”



27 05 2008

I stuck my foot in where I shouldn’t have, and I’m sorry.


Tax returns

26 05 2008

Hong Kong has one of the lowest taxes in the world, but it doesn’t mean it’s necessarily welcomed.

Filling in tax returns are a joy the first time, because you suddenly feel really grown up, and mature. Every time after that, they are just painful.

Heh. The human condition.

Update: 4 hours later, I’m still working on the tax return. Oh my good grief.

Today, I saw

25 05 2008

The movie was good. It was really, really good. Thought-free, action-packed, super-visual fun for just under two hours. Go Indy!!!

It’s been a long day otherwise. Emotions up and down, and up, and joy.

Monday again tomorrow. Hate it sometimes.