Lacking inspiration tonight

22 05 2008

I feel obligated to post something… anything… and I don’t feel like searching for the lyrics of another song, or posting another video, or looking for another witty anecdote. Tonight, it’s just me.

I heard some news from a friend tonight, and I’m really happy for her. Perhaps it’s that life is truly quite difficult, and sometimes it’s hard to keep your head up, metaphorically speaking. But at other times, the fear and the anxiety crowd in on you, and it’s hard to keep your eyes focused ahead, as opposed to darting this way and that. My attention wavers very easily, and I’m distracted by the breeze that gently lifts the curtains, and the sound of the occasional car outside my window. The sound of the keys as I type these words out beat out a regular rhythm, which I am unfamiliar with, and the cicadas outside remind me every minute that it’s s-s-s-s-s-summer.

But as I’m surfing the vast space of the Internet that both connects and alienates, I come across an article about fasting for 40 days, and recall my own mental processes when I did it last year, and this year, for Lent. In the past, I have ‘done’ fasts, always with prayer and deep thought, but I’m starting to think about why I did them. They were for praying, and I found that I focused much better on what or who I was praying for, but what I have realised as well is that partly it was also for self-control and pride… it was much easier to sustain the fasting when I knew people knew about it.

It’s getting me thinking hard about what I’m doing with my life right now, and what I need to be doing.

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