Work, work, work but good

2 08 2008

I went in to work this morning and organised my desk, having brought back everything from before. It was a good time, and I saw a bit of what It will be like.

I’m still scared but I’m feeling marginally more excited.

Solid Rock was good though – we watched Ratatouille and it was very good except for the fact that there were rats. That part was kind of disgusting, but the scene when Ego eats the dish made me tear up: we think someone is so jaded, cynical and disgusting, but all it takes is that little bit of something to bring them back to a better time, and things change. It was just a simple scene, but it was profoundly moving.

In its very simplicity it reminded me of a story that I knew a long time ago, a story about someone who was angry, bitter and depressed, and who swore to need no one but themselves. So this person pushed everyone away, and could see no alternative but to end their life. A date was set for 2 weeks later and they set about tying loose ends by writing out passwords and letters and delegating various belongings to people dear to them. One of the people who hadn’t been pushed away, and who kept going back, and kept going back, and kept going back, invited this person to youth group again and again, and finally the person had to go as there was just nothing left to lose. When they walked into the small hall where the meeting took place, the involvement of the other young people in the singing of that particular song was confusing – what were they doing, and why were their eyes closed? The lyrics of the song, projected onto small television screens either side of the stage, were

Purify my heart
Let me be as gold and precious silver.
Purify my heart Lord,
Let me be as gold, pure gold.

Refiner’s fire
My heart’s one desire is to be holy
Set apart for You, Lord.
I choose to be holy,
Set apart for You my master,
Ready to do Your will.

Purify my heart Lord,
Cleanse me from my sin and make me holy.
Purify my heart Lord,
Cleanse me from my sin, deep within.

And suddenly. something inside that person cracked, wide, and something else became liquid, and tears sprang up and trickled down. That person made a deeply emotional connection with the Maker of the world, and made a life-changing decision. Every day after that was a high that surpassed everything else ever experienced.

The whole experience was begun because of that “high,” but inevitably, a downer came, and the person came crashing down because the faith was really built on the house of cards. Youth group was left alone, and the Bible remained shut. Calls from people went unanswered, and God was rejected.

Over a year later, when this person had spent some difficult months in university, an invitation was extended to a prayer meeting. And when this person attended it as there was no better excuse to say no, they stood to one side, with arms over chest, and felt awkward and uncomfortable. The guitar and the people, they just looked stupid.

And then they started singing The Song. And that person melted into a thousand little pieces.

That was July 22nd, 2002. And the person, me, I have not turned away since. Because this is my story, and it’s been an amazing journey. It’s not perfect, and neither is my faith, often.

My past is ugly, and I am as well, sometimes, but I remember that moment when God reached down and touched me with His divine finger

and I came alive.

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