On the verge of heartbreak

30 04 2009

Today, at the hospital for my own checkup, D told me some very bad news. The doctor said because of his weakened heart, his left eye could be permanently damaged, and he may never regain his sight. What can I do to make things better, easier, so that I do not break apart and scream about how unfair it is that she still expects him to support the spongers? I have set the computer to be easier on his eyes, and fonts to appear bigger etc., but still it does not feel enough. I don’t know what to do.


WWW trip to Tokyo

30 04 2009

Had a good meeting with 3 of the parents tonight, which was efficient and informative, then had a long chat with the mother of one of my students. The conversation renewed my hope for this school, and showed me what I felt like and anticipated when I first decided to come to this school. Why is it always so easy to criticise and lose sight of the original intention? Oh, that the people who spend time in this school would fall in love with God again, and know that his plan for the school far surpasses any hopes, fund-raising activities, or ESLR.

And may the change, may the revival, start with me.

Random wish of the day

27 04 2009

For some reason, I’m wide awake and wishing I were the mother of a baby.

Uh oh.


18 04 2009

And I had meant to post something more positive, more substantial, but I have nothing at the moment because this is all life is right now other than the essays and the papers and the marking and the thesis and the research and the preparation and the hanging-in-there and the coping.

What utter crap

18 04 2009

She’s talking to her sister on the phone right now, and the whole topic is revolving around the topic of children. Rebellious children who do not obey, who do not appreciate the care of their parents, and so on, and so on. She says to her sister that she has learned to let go, and has taught herself to release her own, because she is “thinking clearly now”, and I can’t help saying to myself that this is all utter crap that she is speaking, because I know that she is not letting go, and that is partly why there is such resentment in the household sometimes. She does not, has not, let go of her own siblings, whose lives are trashy and chaotic, and too much for her anyway, so why doesn’t she let go of them already as they just use her and use her family, and she certainly has not “let go” of her own children. And it’s torture sometimes, as she seeks to control every. Single. Thing. 

I am moving out the first chance I get. 

I hope.

While we’re telling the truth

14 04 2009

I am sick and tired of this headache. It’s been 2 days shy of a month now, and no one seems to know why it’s here. In my head. Making itself known to me. Constantly. Seriously, what is the deal here?!

And I’m wishing we could fast forward to Japan during Week Without Walls, then skip ahead to Phuket this June, then fast forward to when I can concentrate on writing my thesis. Honestly…!