Hatred is not a family value

15 03 2010

I think one of the biggest difficulties in growing up bi-racial is the cultural differences between the parents and the children, magnified all the more so by the already-culturally-confused city of Hong Kong. My father, who hails from a very traditional, old school British home, really defines his family as the people to whom he is married and those he helped produce. He’s not close to his sister, and everything is done with us, his children, in mind. On the other hand, we have my very Confucian, traditionally-raised Chinese mother whose family consists of first, her brother, then her four younger sisters and husband at an equal level, then her children and various nieces and nephews at another equal level. It is, in short, a FUBAR situation that blows all other FUBAR situations out of the water.

My mother has a very strong, except replace “very” with “at times unnatural” bond with her many siblings. Over the years, it’s reached the point where we’ve steadily fought, and fought, and fought about them living with us and essentially not contributing to anything whatsoever. In the past year and a half my parents have twice come close to divorce just because of this same issue.

The Bible has it down: when a man marries a woman, the two become one and leave their old families behind to establish a new one in which they must create and learn new roles and responsibilities. The big-ass problem is when the separation doesn’t take place, and everything is affected by one party’s insistence that everything be done with consideration for the dependent spinster sibling in tow.

By this point, if I haven’t communicated my absolute loathing for this whole arrangement, I should just stop communicating altogether.

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One response

9 04 2010
hannah

hang in there! can’t say i’m in the exact situation (bi-cultural), but i can definitely sympathize with something of the similar kind in my crooked family. i’m not sure whether i want to be at home at this point, though i’m sure my mum could use some support with getting the funeral going [she hasn’t slept for days now. it’s bad for her especially after her recent eye surgery, which also means she cannot see with one of her eye for the time being], and my dad with sorting out whatever my grandpa has left us–now that would be a family feud itself. my room has turned into a guest room/store room trampled by stranger’s footsteps (well at least i don’t know any of my so called family friends). anyway, i’ll be praying for you! i’m sorry there’s not much i could do more for you, but definitely do not lose faith! :]

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