3 01 2013

For the first time ever, I had to skip a Nine Inch Nails song tonight. First time EVER. What is going on?!

And another thing: I caught myself smiling at a small child today. Umm… okay.

I must be going soft.

The whole thing with R is giving me a headache, but there was the other M (1: 12.20), and J (1.1-2) respectively, so life is colourful at the moment, to say the least. 1.16 will be quite a day, as it will be after 1.15, which is the PT. Maybe R will join me in Bangkok, maybe not. We will see.

Must not forget.

The move home wasn’t as tragic as I thought it would be – having all chores done by the helper, all meals cooked by M, and company has all made this easier, although the sight of the poor house quiet and empty was quite painful to me. Never mind. Things will be easier next time.


Domesticity part 2

28 12 2011

Tonight, I decided to light scented candles and try out the new aromatherapy oil that I received for Christmas, and as an additional gesture of extravagance, I lit the large candle that has been sitting in my room for 3 weeks, since I received it as a gift.

All of these things, and everything else, I had been saving for a special occasion.

Something changed this break though. All of the saving-it-for-a-special-occasion thoughts vanished as I read over and over again in little notes here and there that there will never be a special occasion during which this should have been saved; the special occasion is in the everyday, in the mundane.

This is what it is all about: the joy in the small things, even as all of life seems to be full of the little things without not enough drama, not enough excitement.

Part of the thoughts are revolving around the fact that the case report for the practicum still needs to be written, but it all seems so much more manageable with the candles and the thought that I could also finally write that letter to J., to tell him what has been happening in this mind of mine.

But, of course, there is always the fear, but then it all seems distant when there is so much to also be thinking about. I am a worrier, after all is said and done.

Current mood

6 11 2011

Some things are happening right now which are wonderful and exciting because of the crunch time that is coming up, which is exhilarating, but there’s one thing that’s happening that is this in my mind right now:

That’s all.

Something to think about

5 02 2011

Not quite a post of the week, but I’ve been thinking about what makes life worth living, and one of the things I’ve learned is that you can get collections of great things like the one below, but they don’t mean anything unless they’ve been internalised. I’m on the right track, I think, but there’s still a long way to go…

These are from a book called “Life’s Little Instruction Book”, by Jackson Brown and H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

  1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
  2. Memorize your favorite poem.
  3. Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you want.
  4. When you say, I love you, mean it.
  5. When you say, I’m sorry, look the person in the eye.
  6. Be engaged for at least six months before you get married.
  7. Believe in love at first sight.
  8. Never laugh at anyone’s dreams.
  9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it’s the only way to live completely.
  10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
  11. Don’t judge people by their relatives.
  12. Talk slow but think quick.
  13. When someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, smile and ask, Why do you want to know?
  14. Remember that great love and great acheivements involve great risk.
  15. Call your family.
  16. Say, Bless you, when someone sneezes.
  17. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
  18. Remember the three R’s: Respect for self, Respect for others, Responsibility for all your actions.
  19. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
  20. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
  21. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
  22. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, his/her conversational skills will be as important as any other.
  23. Spend some time alone.
  24. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
  25. Remeber that silence is sometimes the best answer.
  26. Read more books and watch less TV.
  27. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll get to enjoy it a second time.
  28. A loving atmosphere in your home is important. Do all you can to creat a tranquil harmonious home.
  29. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
  30. Read between the lines.
  31. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to acheive immortality.
  32. Be gentle with the earth.
  33. Never interrupt when you’re being flattered.
  34. Mind your own business.
  35. Don’t trust a lover who doesn’t close their eyes when you kiss them.
  36. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
  37. If you make a lot of money, put it to use while you are living. That is wealth’s greatest satisfaction.
  38. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.
  39. Learn the rules, then break some.
  40. Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.
  41. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
  42. Remember that your character is your destiny.
  43. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

Originally posted on

Paradoxical Commandments

27 04 2010

Something that is keeping me alive right now, and still somewhat in love with what I do on a daily basis:

The Paradoxical Commandments
People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.
People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.
© Copyright Kent M. Keith 1968, renewed 2001

Currently can’t stand Christianese

21 04 2010

Went for my second counselling session last Friday, and talked about some of the issues that have been bothering me, specifically those to do with my past and what’s happening right now. The one thing I don’t particularly worry about is the future, as I really can say that I trust God with it.

Now, if you’re reading this and thinking that this is going to be  an in-your-face-with-my-faith kind of post, it isn’t.

I heard some shocking news from a student of mine today, and I was brought back to the knowledge that whilst it is true that we are loved, and that this knowledge should guide our every step and shape our perspectives, the truth of the matter is that trotting out these same truths and this same knowledge does not help when the reality of life is that it gets mucky sometimes. It’s not always that the statement, no matter how sincerely expressed, that everything will be okay, is inadequate.

Because sometimes it’s not. Things we want to happen fall through the cracks, and people we care about and want to show love to hurt us, and life throws shit at us.

But. “Hope is not about proving anything. It’s about choosing to believe this one thing, that love is bigger than any grim, bleak shit anyone can throw at us.” – Anne Lamott

Two things about today

13 11 2009

This afternoon, for about a half hour before my facial she and I sat in a local restaurant and basically talked about some of the frustrations she’s been feeling since our joke of a family conference. She cried and I felt nothing but something else. I just couldn’t see the point of the conversation since all she wanted to do was get an apology out of me for speaking my mind. Then she said that if I felt it was all too much, I should move out. Thing number one.

Then she came in tonight to tell me the “good news” that the male cousin was moving out. The way she said “good news” made me want to shout at her. Thing number two.

Why is life so complicated? All differences aside, existing in a bi-cultural environment isn’t eveything it’s cracked up to be.