Reflecting on the sibling relationship

26 03 2011

In so many ways, I am very close to my siblings. For as long as I can remember, we have shared our lives and joys and sadnesses and frustrations with each other. But now, as we grow older, a lot has changed, and continues to change. I was once told to treasure my siblings, because they would be all that would be left once our parents had passed on, and I have always held that admonition close to my heart.

Now, as my siblings grow in their own ways, my brother in particular, it is sometimes hard to let go. They say that we live, and we learn, and nowhere is this more true than in the sibling relationship.

My hope is that I learn to appreciate before I forget to do so.


Hatred is not a family value

15 03 2010

I think one of the biggest difficulties in growing up bi-racial is the cultural differences between the parents and the children, magnified all the more so by the already-culturally-confused city of Hong Kong. My father, who hails from a very traditional, old school British home, really defines his family as the people to whom he is married and those he helped produce. He’s not close to his sister, and everything is done with us, his children, in mind. On the other hand, we have my very Confucian, traditionally-raised Chinese mother whose family consists of first, her brother, then her four younger sisters and husband at an equal level, then her children and various nieces and nephews at another equal level. It is, in short, a FUBAR situation that blows all other FUBAR situations out of the water.

My mother has a very strong, except replace “very” with “at times unnatural” bond with her many siblings. Over the years, it’s reached the point where we’ve steadily fought, and fought, and fought about them living with us and essentially not contributing to anything whatsoever. In the past year and a half my parents have twice come close to divorce just because of this same issue.

The Bible has it down: when a man marries a woman, the two become one and leave their old families behind to establish a new one in which they must create and learn new roles and responsibilities. The big-ass problem is when the separation doesn’t take place, and everything is affected by one party’s insistence that everything be done with consideration for the dependent spinster sibling in tow.

By this point, if I haven’t communicated my absolute loathing for this whole arrangement, I should just stop communicating altogether.

Current anger

27 06 2009

ranting-fishI’m sitting at my desk working on my dissertation, and then it’s dinner. Afterwards, we’re all laughing to the show with the most _________ people performing their most _________ acts, and then she turns around and snaps at him.

Does she not understand that there are only so few is so little time left, that any moment we have together may be the last moment we recollect when the same things we laugh at, or talk about, or the experiences we share, are no longer? I had to leave the room; staying would have meant saying something that I would have regretted. It’s always something, and then there’s something else. Right now on my playlist the song that’s playing is “Love Is Not Enough” by Nine Inch Nails off With Teeth and I’m struck by the ___________. For someone so forgiven, I have an awful lot of rage in me.

Right now I’m waiting for my boss to email me back and tell me whether I can have those two days off to see that concert. It’s a fickle reason to miss work, sure, but why August 3rd, anyway??

And another thing that’s really bothering me right now is how my brother and I seem to not be communicating without one or both of us losing our temper in some way. And I remember how we were in Phuket, and how everything seemed easier, and all the time I had been thinking about how if we were back home, it would not be “this easy” to converse, and be back the way we were.

And yet another thing that’s bothering me is how I have no inspiration for the dissertation: I have been stuck at 100 words for the past I-don’t-know-how-many days, because I read through what I’ve written, hate it, and wipe it all out. This summer writing period is not turning out to be as productive as I need it to be.

But I’ve kind of made a decision about something permanent, so if everything works out the way I hope for it to then I’ll be going ahead with it.


12 01 2008

it was good. it was really good. the whole day was just beautiful, and it all worked out because i was looked out for. the prayer time we had beforehand was excellent, and it’s so good to know that God listens, cares, and works things out for whatever good can come out of it all.

how great is our God…

on the other hand, we’re going to check out a new church tomorrow because my brother is gay (graham, if you’re reading this, YOU’RE GAY)