It’s certainly not as though I am

30 06 2008

I’ve been thinking about the title of that book – I Am Not But I Know I Am– by Louie Giglio. Since I read through it a while ago, the title has been the one thing that has consistently come back to me.

Whatever it is I think I am, I’m not. I may not be worth anything on my own, but the immense thing is that I know the I AM of the Bible.

I heard a song this morning called Take Away by Mainstay. The lyrics are below:

Rid me of the notion that I ever had any rights
Cleanse me of the motives that come in such a clever disguise
Ruin my agenda, holy as it never was

It’s all from Your hand
and there’s nothing that’s mine
and all that You give
You’re free to take away

I’m just trying to hold on, clinging to the dream inside
I was only selfish, and you were only part of my life

Every breath, every word
There isn’t one thing I deserve
And all that I am is Yours

Justin Anderson from Mainstay explains the song like this: “I think that somewhere, deep down, every person believes that they deserve something. America has taught us that we have inalienable rights, and that we are entitled to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. In a civic sense, I could not agree more. The problem is, this principle has slowly and subversively eeked its way into our perception of our relationship to God. The gospel message is quickly becoming that we are basically good, and that Jesus will help us through the tough times and be our friend. However, the reality that the bible presents is that mankind has fallen into sin, and on an individual and corporate level deserves death and separation from God. We have NO rights before God. There is nothing we can lay claim to. That is what makes the gospel so good – we deserve nothing but wrath and hell, and in Christ we get right-standing with God and undeserved favor. With this basic premise in place, our understanding of our health and prosperity quickly changes from entitlement to humble thanks. If we deserve nothing but wrath, then not only is forgiveness an amazing grace to praise God for, but every breath and every moment away from hell is grace as well. Every thing we have is from God, and He is sovereign and good to take away whatever He wants from us, whenever He wants to. This understanding takes the focus off of man, makes us grateful for every breath and keeps us humbly trusting God with no feelings of entitlement – only gratitude.” This explanation was taken from this site. The song is amazing and you must listen to it.

What it feels like is like this image I found online that kind of describes it, a bit.

Because once love is found, everything else is abandoned. Jesus said it like this:

“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.”

Why else do we chase after those things, those people, we love, the way we do? Yes, these things can be bad, but when they’re good, they’re very good. The chase is a thrill, and the everyday pursuit is a constant joy; it’s beautiful. It’ll change lives. It’s revolutionary.


There it goes!!!

20 04 2008

Restlessness from yesterday seemed to flow over into the service this morning, and I just couldn’t concentrate. It appalled me how critical of everything I felt, and I was disgusted at myself. Why is it so easy to become like this? It was also really easy to blame the medication on my mood this morning. I think it may be that I’m coming to terms with not needing to be the life of the party, or the centre of attention, or the I’m-super-happy-la-la-la person in the group. It’s liberating to be relaxed sometimes, and not feel pressured to be… something.

On TV right now, there’s a popular local game show called Super Trio Supreme and sometimes it’s hilarious, but other times it’s just absurd. Which, for some, ostensibly would also be hilarious. The four thick-skinned hosts invite various B-list celebrities and starlets and torture them on celluloid to canned and studio-recorded laughter and an assortment of comical sound effects.

And of course there’s class tomorrow night, and I’m not looking forward to it because I’m just so tired, and have yet to write the two papers that will be due too soon. I’m writing the first one on Big Fish (2003) and The Sun Also Rises (2007), which are great in their own ways, and there is a lot that could be discussed. The hardest thing is probably going to be trying to sort the ideas that are really worth discussing from the trash of sentiment. Which, of course, is my natural response. It makes a paper much more interesting to write, but about three times less interesting to read.

We’ll see, shall we. Most likely I’ll go to class tomorrow. There’s no good reason not to 😀